Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
