Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
