I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
