well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
