I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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