i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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