I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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