Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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