DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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