Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
