you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
