Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
