Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
