So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
