Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize