I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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