so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Farmville is her only friend.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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