shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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