why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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