Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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