I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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