I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
