The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
