This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
