drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
