I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
