i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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