Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
