There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
