so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
