considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
