True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
