i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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