Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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