Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
