Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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