you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
