just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
