how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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