dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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