Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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