My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
