Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
