I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
