You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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