This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
