I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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