he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
