Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
