Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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