Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pooping to opera.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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