dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Never joke about your clitoris.
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