We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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