Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
