lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
