And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
