i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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