One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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