I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
