I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
