Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
