wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
