I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
