yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Green mimosas i think yes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
