She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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