I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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