Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
